the one with all the thanksgivings

Today is Thanksgiving. It is my second Thanksgiving away from my family and country. In some ways, these times have a twinge of melancholy. What is Thanksgiving without gathering around the dinner table with your friends and family and gorging yourself on turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce? Here in Bulgaria, we have work today. There is no Macy’s parade. I have no family here. There is no chance of turkey or cranberry. And my mom won’t buy a whole carton of eggnog for only me. As I look out my window, I can see only a gray downpour. I am still stinging from a horrible day at school yesterday, in which I made two girls cry. I am dreading going to school tomorrow and facing that class again. Tonight, I am teaching at the prison.

But I have plenty to be thankful for. And continuing my infatuation with lists, I proudly present the

Top 10 Things Andy is Thankful for This Year: {Drum roll optional}
1. Despite the gray outside right now, this is a wonderful world. Look around. If we look hard enough, we see we are surrounded by love. We are the children of God and as such have inherited a perfectly formed world. Of course it is broken in some serious ways, but underneath all that crap, it is beautiful and runs on love. I am thankful for this.
2. I am heading to Razlog tomorrow to have a proper Thanksgiving with a bunch of other volunteers. While I love my friends here, there is something to be said for gathering with Americans on Thanksgiving. You remember all the great things about home and tend to forget the bad. You share memories and you laugh.
3. I have friends here. Tomorrow I head to Razlog for an American Thanksgiving, but tonite my colleagues and I will gather in my little apartment for a Bulgarian Thanksgiving. In the true tradition of Thanksgiving, tonight’s meal with be a joining of two cultures and their food. There will be pumpkin banitsa, calf meat, tsarska salata, mashed potatoes, onion soup, bread and mashed pumpkin. And of course there will be rakia, which will be washed down with Coca-cola, and bezalkohol. Besides the food - which of course is a big deal - I am happy to have the friendship. I am so lucky that I have such close friends in two countries, across very different cultures. We have helped each other get through some hard times and my life would be so much less without them.
4. I am thankful for the family and friends I have back home. You are my compass as I explore my life here. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t take out that compass and use it to find my way; sometimes out of desperation and sometimes just to double-check that I am on the right path. Thank you for that. I love you all and miss you, and someday I will be with you again.
5. I am healthy. I can walk to school every morning,I can breathe easily, I can manage on my own, I can do anything I want. Though I am putting on some weight around the middle, I can still challenge anyone I meet to a 400 meter dash.
6. Speaking of gaining weight, I have food. I can eat when I want, and I have never known what Hunger really means.
7. I can bounce back from problems. There are so many people in this world who can not get over things. I have only pity and love for them. I hope someday they learn that when things really hurt, there are ways to overcome it. You can talk to trusted friends, you can pray, you can see a therapist, you can try a new route, or you can simply laugh. Sometimes when things hurt the most we must just step back and laugh. To use a quote from one of my favorite books (and least favorite movies) “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”: "While McMurphy laughs. Rocking farther and farther backward against the cabin top, spreading his laugh out across the water- laughing at the girl, at the guys, at George, at me sucking my bleeding thumb, at the captain back at the pier... and the Big Nurse and all of it. Because he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy. He knows there's a painful side; he knows my thumb smarts and his girlfriend has a bruised breast and the doctor is losing his glasses, but he won't let the pain blot out the humor no more'n he'll let the humor blot out the pain." I am thankful that I will even get over the disaster that was yesterday.
8. I am thankful for my new relationship with God. Though some days are hard and I feel like throwing the whole thing away, He is patient with me and blesses me everyday with all these things. I am also thankful for His Catholic Church here on Earth that has made me feel as welcome here as back in my hometown. I am thankful for all the priests I have met who have helped me, especially Father Nolan in Monaghan, Ireland and Father Marcel in Franconia, New Hampshire. My new relationship is very personal, but I couldn’t make a list without including the Big Man and all his helpers.
9. I am thankful for the Internet. Strange I know, but I am thankful for this giant amazing thing that is so full of possibilities. Like any human invention, it is full of both good and bad, but it is still beautiful. I use it daily to keep in touch with those I love, for help with classes, to become a better teacher, and to simply expand my knowledge.
10. I am thankful for my school’s new multimedia room. I am so thankful for all the people with whom I worked to bring this wonderful new educational tool to Bobov dol. It is a big change from last year when I only had chalk and my imagination as classroom materials. Today I taught 3 classes in it, and all classes complained when they had to leave. On one class I had to turn off the lights to get them to leave. That kind of excitement is what makes teaching worth it.

So whoever you are, where ever you are, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving filled with love, peace, happiness, and lots of things to be thankful for.

“i've got to, that's the whole thing.” -will kane

One of my favorite movies of all time is High Noon. I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not, but you should. Even if you don’t like Westerns it is such an important movie to see. Of course there is the underlying anti-democracy in the movie that got the writer black-balled during the 1950s but besides that it is a great example of a person standing up and doing what needs to be done. The main character, Marshall Will Kane, is getting married when the movie opens. He has just retired from being the local sheriff and plans to move far away. As the ceremony ends, he gets news that a dreaded cowboy gang that he previously kicked out of town is coming back to take over the town when he leaves. As much as he tries to rally the town to fight them, everyone has an excuse why he can’t fight. So at the end of the movie, he goes out to face the gang alone, with only his trusty six shooter to help him.

I love this movie because Will Kane “does what a man has to do.” Even though he will probably end up getting killed for it, he does what is the right thing. Alone. And I think that is what draws many people to the movie. I think all too often we believe we are in this alone. It is me versus the marauding gang; me versus the competition; me versus the world. We need movies like High Noon to motivate us and wanna go out there and kick some ass. Alone.

Why? Because it is so unnatural. We are not meant to go out into this world and “do it alone.” Of course, there are times when we need to stand up and do what is right, even if the popular consensus is against us. That is a given. But we must also not shut ourselves off in our drive, quest to do what is right. We are human beings, Homo sapiens. We are naked, clawless, fangless, weak animals. If we had been a non-communal species out on the savannah, we would have been a tiny blip in the history of the world. The first proto-lion would have torn us apart and the world would now be ruled by cockroaches. In addition to our brains, our ability to organize and band together allowed us to move from a second rate hunter on the savannah to the biggest kid on the block, er, world.

I am all too often guilty of this. I never ask for help because I don’t want to trouble anyone. I don’t want to be seen as weak. I ant all the glory for myself. The list goes on… But days like today make me remember we can’t live like this. I had a crappy day at school. I had to give two periods of oral exams to my sixth graders and had to listen to such nonsense as this: “What time is it? (pointing to the clock)” “My cat!” I had to break up a fight as I walked into my seventh grade class between seventh grade girls and tenth grade boys. Then I had to teach the tenth grade and ended up spending most of the class taking away cell-phones that kept going off. By the end, I had seven. At the end of the day I was actually hoping that one of my seventh graders who was climbing over a fence outside the school would fall on his head.

All I wanted to do was to go home and feel bad about my classes and the fact that my water boiler died last night. But a colleague invited me to lunch. I have a hard time refusing food so I went. And I think that lunch saved my sanity. Just talking with her made me feel better. We talked about what it meant to be a teacher, and especially what it meant to be a teacher in Bobov dol. Part of the reason I was feeling down was because I too often think that I am failing. But I was reminded today that the problem is bigger than me. This colleague teaches math and told me that in the twelfth grade class, she has students who can’t multiply 7 and 5. I know this student and can vouch that he seems like a pretty intelligent, with it guy. I felt better because I learned that I was not in this by myself. Here I am surrounded by a group of colleagues who, day in and day out, slog through the same problems I do. Colleagues who, for the most part, try their hardest to make a difference. And I was reminded that the rewards for this work aren’t measured in days. You don’t know what you accomplish at the end of the day. You don’t know at the end of the year. You don’t know even when the child graduates. Our success is measured in lifetimes. And even if we don’t see our rewards in this lifetime, I have faith and hope that someday, somewhere, I will reap these rewards.

Know what makes me love High Noon even more? Will Kane didn’t do it himself. As much as it is advertised as “one man against the world” in the end his wife stands by his side. No one, not even Will Kane, can do this all by themselves. I’m trying to remember this everyday…

goodbye, sweet innocence of childhood

I grew up in New Hampshire believing three things were eternal:
1. The Red Sox will never win the World Series.
2. The Old Man of the Mountain will always be around.
3. New Hampshire is a Republican state.

Well, over the last few years the first two myths were shattered. The first one for the good, the second for bad. But somehow I still believed in the third. I believed in it so strongly that I almost didn't vote. I believed the US House race was definitely going to the Republican candidate and there was no way the Democrats would win either the NH senate or the NH house. But with a pathetic optimism I picked up in my 24 years of cheering on the Red Sox, I filled in the bubbles on my ballot and mailed it in, hoping beyond hope that "this was the year!"

Well wasn't I surprised when I read this article this afternoon:
Democratic Sweep Puts Lynch In Driver's Seat
Legislature Shifts To Democratic Control
CONCORD, N.H. -- The political landscape in New Hampshire shifted dramatically on Election Day, and observers said Gov. John Lynch may now have clear sailing to pass his entire agenda.
For the first time in history, New Hampshire Democrats will be in charge of the governor's office, Executive Council, state House and Senate. Democrats last held the governor's office, House and Senate in 1874.
Lynch was re-elected with a record 74 percent of the vote.

So let me just repeat this for those who don't quite understand.
November 6th
Democrats: Governor
Republicans: US Representatives; US Senators; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
November 9th
Democrats: Governor; US Representatives; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
Republicans: US Senators (they weren't up for election this cycle)

The Curse is Dead!

PS. (Special for my fellow New Hampshirites) Good luck Sylvia Larsen! I hope you get the President of the Senate position!

he's a canning beast

Two Saturdays ago, I canned hot peppers with one of my colleagues. First we cooked the peppers on the stove. Literally!



Then we added salt, vinegar, sugar, parsley, garlic and crammed them into the jars. We were a little disappointed to learn that 3 kilograms of peppers only makes about 6 jars...



After putting the ingredients into the jars, we boiled them.



After boiling, we put the jars upside down to cool. Yes that is me with the Satan eye.



And then we ate. The results? Sinus-clearing delicious! That's right, I got my canned peppers and peaches, my dried parsley, thyme and mint, bring it on, Winter!

monday, blah, blah, blah... VOTE!

I hate Mondays. What happened this Monday? I flipped out in my 7th grade class and had them spend the last 15 minutes of the class copying new vocabulary over and over again. In this class there are 23 students, all in the throes of puberty and unable to maintain a thought process for longer than 30 seconds. I warned them but they just wouldn't listen. Not that I think "duvet" and "face flannel" are especially important words to know in English but it's the principle... Tenth grade class wouldn't listen because they were too busy trying to keep from shivering. I was a little easier on them... 12th grade was good. We learned how to use monolingual dictionaries. We also learned how different words are related. My personal favorite was making the sentence, "the captors captured the captive."... My 11th graders began the class by running around the classroom hitting each other. They are all girls.

I feel very bitter today. Anyone who wants to cheer me up, give it a try. I really need to shake this day off.

In other news, VOTE! Even if you don't agree with my politics, go out and vote. I have a new appreciation for democracy and urge everyone to exercise their freedom. My 10th grade students skipped school on Friday and one student's reason: It's a free country now, I can do what I want. Democracy isn't easy. Democracy, like faith, is something you must work for. It may be a pain to fit voting into your busy schedule, but it is important. If you don't vote, you are saying that you don't care about democracy, you don't care about the sacrifices generations have made before you and you are too weak to decide your future. Go out and just do it!

that's president andy to you...

My brother told me something very interesting right before the 2000 election. In what was to turn out to be one of his most accurate statements ever, he said, "Andy, George Bush is just running for president to gain favors. He wants to be president just so he can make his friends rich, then when he finishes, all those people will owe him." Over the last 6 years, we have seen that repeatedly come true: the Administrations Energy Policy, the war in Iraq and Haliburton, the election of Katherine Harris, the fact that most of his cabinet members are millionaires. Now we learn that the No Child Left Behind Act- an Act that is hurting our most important resource of all- is also helping to launch the business of his brother! Nathan, I promise when I become president, I will make a cabinet position for you called "Department of Watching-Out-For-Selfish-@ssh*les." Maybe you can come up with a better name.

what the heck happened?

I’m no political scientist but I have a few ideas about the recent Bulgarian presidential election. The election was last Sunday and due to the low voter turnout, there will be a run-off election this coming Sunday. The two candidates in the run-off will be Georgi Parvanov (the incumbent and winner of the first election) and Volen Siderov (leader of the ultra-nationalist Ataka party). The fact that Parnanov won the election is unsurprising; the second place finish of an ultra-nationalist, however, is a bit alarming. I believe that the second place finish of this candidate speaks more about the current situation of Bulgaria than an overwhelming racist and xenophobic society. I think that people voted for Ataka for some of the following reasons:

1. Fed-up. I think that many Bulgarians are simply fed-up with the status quo. I believe that many Bulgarians are tired of having to work so hard to make ends meet. They are tired of seeing everyone’s wealth growing while theirs shrinks and shrinks. They see people around them, people they always assume to be mafia, getting rich, while they have barely enough money to keep warm in the winter. Remember, Bulgaria currently has an unemployment rate of 12% and 13% of the people are people are below the poverty line. In parliament, they claim that their politicians are arguing about what to do with the old king’s land and not much else. Ataka wants a drastic change in the government and the way the system works.
Ataka’s preoccupation with Bulgarian Roma is another example of being fed-up. They are making Roma into scapegoats for why things are wrong. They think that Roma are getting all the money from the government and international organizations that should rightfully go to “honest, hard-working Bulgarians” (I find this argument kind of hard to swallow, especially since Roma make up less than 5% of the population). This is very similar to the way racism works in the good ol’ US of A, and I assume most other places. People see others getting “handouts” and want a piece of the action.

2. Pride. Bulgarians are proud people. They are quick to tell a visitor about the beautiful Bulgarian Black Sea coast, mountains and women. They also readily tell anyone willing to listen that once upon a time, Bulgaria, Rome and Byzantium were the only empires in Europe. They also remind you that Bulgaria is one of a handful of countries to have sent a man into space and that the father of the founder of IBM was a Bulgarian. They are embarrassed of the current state of the country and the fact that people don’t pay attention to this small country. Ataka plays upon this pride, and reminds people that they should be proud of their country.

3. The good ol’ days. Many Bulgarians yearn for what they consider the good ol’ days. They remember the communist era when allegedly everyone had what they needed, everyone was employed and there was no risk of losing a job. Life was so much easier, they say. They also remember a mythical time when people worked the land, harvested all day and danced the horo all night long. I think in someway they want those times back, whether they really existed or not. I hate when analogies with Nazi Germany are tossed around, so I will use the more general fascist analogy. Fascists groups thrive on these kind of memories. They love to conjure the images of a pure, idyllic, innocent time full of pure, idyllic and innocent people (all belonging to one ethnicity, of course) and they use these images to hook people. Ataka not only plays on the hate of Roma, but also Turks. They regularly remind everyone that the Turks oppressed the Bulgarians for 500 years. Ataka is employing no different strategy than what has been successful for all the other fascist groups throughout the second half of the 20th century.

4. Anti-BSP. While some people are in love with the idea of the great communist era, they still can’t bring themselves to vote for the current socialist party, BSP. This is the party of the current president and leading party of the parliament. I know a couple people who refuse to vote in this election because they don’t want Ataka to lead the country but they can’t stand the thought of voting for “those communists.” For some people it is less conflicted, they hate the communists and will vote for Ataka to show them that hate. It is not surprising that Ataka started to rise at the same time that BSP did.

5. Anti-globalization. Some people are simply afraid of the upcoming EU accession and the current NATO membership. People are afraid of losing their national rights so soon after gaining them. Some of Ataka’s big issues are anti-privatization and keeping Bulgaria’s nuclear reactor open. They dislike EU’s calls to privatize such things as coal mines (a big deal in Bobov dol) and to shut down the reactor. They want to retain a certain amount of national independence and after so many years of oppression one can hardly blame them. People are also afraid of the unknown. They see some of the birthing pains that other ascending countries have undergone and don’t want the same thing to happen to them. NATO-wise, they are also afraid of being dragged into a war they shouldn’t be fighting. You don’t have to look any farther than Iraq to see that maybe they have a point.

I am by no means an Ataka sympathizer. I am pretty secure in my left-wing politics. I simply want to show that maybe Ataka isn’t gaining in popularity because all Bulgarians hate Roma and Turks. Remember, over 60% of voters voted for the BSP candidate, about triple the amount for Ataka. But there is a significant number of Bulgarians who have legitimate complaints about the current status-quo and fears about the future. I suspect that while Parvanov will win the next election on Sunday, the gap between Parnanov and Siderov will be a lot closer. I’d like to hear what other volunteers think, please post a comment.

what happens when people mess with andy's food

I had to eat chicken livers again tonight. Of course I love the family I went to visit and so I said nothing about it, but there is no disappointment quite like when you are expecting a nice, tasty, home-cooked meal and the mother brings out chicken livers. It’s kinda like finding out there is no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, and that the Tooth Fairy isn’t some philanthropic fairy do-gooder but just your parents getting rid of spare change. Maybe I exaggerate, but chicken livers… {shiver}.

On the other hand, I had one of those This-Is-Why-I-Teach moments today. In my fourth grade class we were talking about pets and what they like and what they don’t like. (Aside: Who, I ask WHO?!, decides that “tarantula” is an appropriate word to teach 4th graders? I can barely pronounce it. I thought their little heads were gonna explode.) In the textbook, one of the characters had a parrot. It so happened that a kid in the class who NEVER talks also happened to have a parrot as a pet. And so I asked him questions about the parrot and he just opened up. He even went on to volunteer to answer other questions. I felt great because I saw an opportunity and took it and maybe, just maybe, that kid will think English is cool. That’s my thought at least. At any rate, it felt a lot better than trying to swallow chicken livers without chewing…

* Thanks to Jessica for the picture from our adventures this summer in Veliko Turnovo

"my big fat bulgarian wedding"

I went to a wedding at the end of August in Blagoevgrad. The groom was an ex-neighbor of a colleague of mine. You can see her in the last picture as we were coming back on Sunday morning after a lot of partying and not a lot of sleeping. Two weeks after this wedding I went to my brother's wedding. I got to thinking and thought of a top 10 list of differences between this Bulgarian wedding and Nathan's... And being competive, I thought I would keep points...
Who throws a better wedding, Bulgaria or America?
10. America: Bride wears white.
Bulgaria: Bride wears gray.
America:1
9. America: Gifts are put on a table by the entrance.
Bulgaria: Groom, bride, best man and maid of honor come to each table looking for money.
America: 1
8. America: Wedding in church, then party.
Bulgaria: Wedding in city hall, then the church, then the party.
Bulgaria: 1
7. America: No crowns...
Bulgaria: Crowns!
Bulgaria: 1
6. America: No horo
Bulgaria: Horo.
Bulgaria: 1
5. America: Bride didn't smoke.
Bulgaria: Bride smoked like a chimney.
America: 1
4. America: No one threw anything.
Bulgaria: Bouqet AND garter throwing!
Bulgaria:2
3. America: Everyone gets pimped out.
Bulgaria: Bride gets pimped out.
America: 1
2. America: Groom carried bride into party tent so she wouldn't have to step in any puddles.
Bulgaria: No carrying...except the big bag of extorted money.
America: 2
1. America: Best best man speech in the world!
Bulgaria: Some random dude gave a speech... and it was all in Bulgarian!
America: 10!

Final Score:
America: 16
Bulgaria: 5

Sorry, Bulgaria. I still had a good time. Enjoy the pictures!

what does a rpcv and the pope have in common?

I had the opportunity to meet with a former Peace Corps Volunteer (RPCV) here in Bulgaria a couple of days ago. There were several current volunteers and this RPCV. We got dinner and I really enjoyed this person's company. S/he was intelligent, thoughtful and everything that I expected in a RPCV. S/he now lives in America and has a good DC job with a think tank. S/he was a volunteer near Bobov dol and everyone I've met who has known s/he has had only wonderful things to say about her/him.

One thing s/he said, however, has been nagging at the back of my mind since s/he said it. We were talking about our SPA projects and s/he laughed and said how strange it was to hear current vounteers stuck "in the Peace Corps bubble." S/he went on to say that once you leave Peace Corps and go back to America you realize how your time here was simply time in a little bubble and it was all for naught. S/he seemed to be saying that you shouldn't worry about whether you are being a good volunteer because it won't really matter once you leave country.

What a sad, cynical thing to say. I have had a hard time lately dealing with people's cynicism lately. I am currently reading a book by Pope John Paul II called "Crossing the Threshold of Hope" (a great book by the way...) and he touched on the same idea. He says in a chapter on youth that something in us has changed. Previous generations had an idealism. They dreamed of better things. They experienced a world that was full of strife and pain. They had to fight for a better world. We are the first generation who have not had to fight for what we have. We have all had a pretty good life, comparatively. All of us Western young people were born into a world free from wars. Our great grandparents had WWI. Our grandparents had WWII. Our parents had Vietnam. But us, we've had what? Desert Storm? Iraqi Freedom. Yea, they're "wars" but how much do they really touch our lives, how much do they make us struggle?

Pope John Paul II says that as youth, we still have that fundamental idealism, "even if nowadays it tends to be expressed mostly in the form of criticism, whereas before it would have been translated into duty." I think the Pope hit the nail right on the head (no pun intended...). Here we are, a generation, like all young people, who are born for glory, born to go out and make the world better, born to do our duty as world changers and we encounter a world that's "not so bad." So what do we do? We sit around and criticize and become cynical. We think there is nothing to drive us, no battles to fight and so we tear apart, piece by piece, what exists. We forget that what we have has been paid for us, by the blood, sweat and tears of countless generations before us.

I think this RPCV is a victim of this generational tendency. It is so common for us to sit around and be cynical that we don't see the value in duty. We feel that the easy life has always been around and that we don't owe anyone anything. We don't feel the attraction of living a life of duty. What is wrong with being in a Peace Corps bubble for two years? What is wrong with spending two years exhausting yourself in the idealistic pursuit of "Changing this World?" What is wrong with fighting for progress, a better world? I don't want to pick on this RPCV; s/he did a great job while s/he was here. S/he just happened to make a comment that crystallized all these feelings I've had lately. The problem is more widespread than her/him.

We all need to stand up and see what is going on here. Our innate desire for glory, duty, our fundamental idealism has sat on the shelf too long and turned into a gooey, smelly, raunchy Cynicism. We are afraid to launch into a quest, a life lived for something bigger than us. I say let us relish this bubble! Let us enjoy this amazing chance we have to live in a bubble and work our asses off for something that is hard, at times depressing and for something we may never see the results of. Let us go into that fight and come back bloodied, sweaty and crying. For we can never know how wonderful we can make this world and ourselves until we push ourselves past our breaking point. Thank you RPCV for reminding me of what is inside me and all of us, just waiting to come out and kick some ass...

a new year in san quentin

I started a new school year today in the prison here in balmy Bobov dol. I thought I would continue teaching the prisoners I had from last year. I went in all prepared for a lesson with them, I had my Jeopardy! game ready with a “what-did-Andy-do-this-summer” theme. It was awesome. But when I got to the prison, I learned that the administration decided I should get a whole new class. With 19 students. Who know no English. Needless to say, I didn’t use the Jeopardy! game.
It’s like when the new Saved by the Bell cast came on TV. I think it was “Saved by the Bell: The New Class” or something like that, and it was ok, but it was not as good as the original. The weirdest thing was that they tried to do some weird clone-like characters from the original cast. You had the quasi-Zach, and the quasi-Slatter, and the quasi-Kelly but they weren’t the same. They weren’t quite able to touch us in the same way as the original. Walking into that class today was like that. It seemed like a class of weird clones from last year, only these guys were twice the size and had more tattoos. There is the long haired, Italian looking guy who has the I-Don’t-Care exterior hiding the I-Really-Do interior. Then there is the old guy, seemingly content with the world, smiling like a big old medicated sun, in the back. The overachiever in the front, who always answers first. And the big guy in the middle who translates my Bulgarian from Bulgarian to Bulgarian to the rest of the class. But something is missing.
It’s strange to say I really miss those guys from last year. I’m excited by this new opportunity to teach a whole new set of guys, but still I miss the sense of camaraderie that we had last year. Part of me knows that this will return, I will make these guys friends too, but I still miss those wild and crazy guys.

reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated

I’m alive. I’m still in Bulgaria. I’m not dead. I’m sorry that I have been so delinquent on keeping up with my posts but I’ve been busy. And right now I’m sick. Well, right now I’m recovering but I was sick enough to miss school yesterday and today. It’s been hard for me to do this. Even harder to do no work.

So what’s new with me? Well, my brother got married on September 9th, to a wonderful girl named Meghan. I went home for two weeks as I was the Best Man and of course I couldn’t miss my brother’s wedding. The wedding was a great time, it was in the beautiful little Northern towns of Landaff and Franconia, New Hampshire.

School has also began again. This year I’m teaching 6th, 7th, 10th, 11th and 12th grades. I’m excited for this year because my classes this year are more motivated and have a better grasp on English than some of my classes last year. I will also begin teaching at the prison again on Thursday. The other day I had a hard day at school and actually found myself wishing that I had a class that night at the prison. Even though it is extra work, my classes there tend to relax me and make me feel as if I am making a difference.

I wrote a short essay last night at the request of my program manager that I thought I would share here. It sort of sums up my first year and a half here. Hope you enjoy:
I am sitting here in my apartment, which is unusual for a Monday afternoon, but I am sick. It seems like whenever the seasons change, I get some kind of cough or throat problem. But I think this is good because it gives me a chance to reflect on my year and a half as a TEFL volunteer in Bulgaria. Unfortunately, no simple one word descriptions come to mind; my time here has been full of great highs and lows. But somehow, despite the cold winters, the hard times teaching and learning to make do with little, I remember the good things more clearly.

I remember the look on my 11th grade students last year when they finally understood the Future Perfect Progressive tense. I remember my 12th graders putting all of their end-of-the-year effort into making posters describing the “8 Steps to Success,” which this year will be hung up in our new multimedia room. I remember prisoners, to whom I teach English, being able to hold conversations, in English, with visitors. And I remember the many holidays, birthdays and outings with friends I have made here. But the happiest memory I have came just last night.

My 8th grade class last year was a real struggle for me. There were numerous problems with discipline, motivation and respect. Added to this, for the first semester I was in the classroom by myself. In particular, one boy really got on my nerves. He yelled in class, never did his homework and the only words he knew in English were swears. I tried to work hard with him, like all the students. By the end of the year, much to my shock, he was doing homework, sitting in the front of class, and actually chastising other students for their poor behavior. This year he has moved to a technical school and he told me that his class is divided into a slower class and more advanced for English. He told me with a smile that he was in the advanced class.

I joined the Peace Corps in part because of the commercials that used to say: “Peace Corps: The toughest job you’ll ever love.” Those commercials have fallen out of usage as of late, but I think they are part of the most powerful and honest advertising campaign I have ever seen. Is the Peace Corps hard? Oh man, is it. Will it challenge you and sometimes beat you down? Of course. But will you always remember these times and will it make a difference in your life and others? Yes. And will your time in country mean something?  Without a doubt.

the continuing adventures of guy smiley

(I tried attaching pictures to this but something is wrong, so that is why there is no pictures, and it's a week late...)

Today was the last day of school for 12th grade. And it didn't come a day too soon. Yesterday, I wanted to do something a little special for them, because while I think they are very lazy, they are good kids and I like them. So I baked a batch of peanut-butter cookies from my secret stash of American-via-Jordan peanut butter, bought some soda and cups and brought some music for a little last-English-class party. Out of 28 students, 4 came. Four! While they thought my music was too strange, at least they liked the cookies .

I was here last year for the seniors last day and so I knew what to expect. Lots of balloons, tears, the senior class officers handing off the school flag to the juniors. I even got smart and hung out in the back of the crowd so when the principal threw the bucket of water down the stairs, I wouldn't be soaked, like last year. One thing I did not expect, however, was to win a Maojor Award.

This year the seniors decided to vote on various categories for teachers. There were categories such as "Strictest Teacher," "Best Dressed Teacher," "Best Teacher," "Shyest Teacher," etc., etc. As the celebration was going on, three representatives from the 12th grade called out the winners. I really wanted "Lowest-grades Teacher," but alas my language tutor got that one. Then they named the three nominees for "Sexiest Male Teacher." I was named second. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I was sweating. Could it be possible? Could little ol me, really be the sexiest teacher at "SOU Hristo Botev, Bobov Dol"? I held my breath. "And the winner of this category..."-I mentally organized my acceptance speech- "Mr. Pepojiski!" Everyone appaulded. Except me. Mr. Pepojiski?! The gym teacher?! The one with the gut and the receeding hairline?It's rigged!

In the end, I won the "Most Smily Teacher" award. I guess it's an honor to get any award, and this one came with a certificate suitable for framing, but still seriously: "The Most Smily Teacher?!" I feel like I should be a motivational speaker and not an English teacher. Oh, well. Next week we have the senior ball in Sandanski, I still have time to plot my revenge. Call me Mr. Smiley, we'll see about that...

don't forget who we are...

I was doing some searching on the internet today, (after the quizzes) and found this speech, given first by Robert F. Kennedy in 1966 in South Africa and again repeated at his funeral by his brother Edward. I think this short speech, more than so many others, shows not only what is wrong with politics today but what we should be working for. What ever happened to this idealism in America? What ever happened to the idea that we, normal citizens of the world, can change bad, evil things, not through exclusion and demonizing but by love and cooperation? I know I try desperately everyday to cling to these ideas, and it is hard. But I hope, that though simple acts everyday, all around the world we can not only recover this vision but make it a reality. Please take a few moments to read these words, read them aloud, and feel the power of the words and the hope that RFK was feeling. Remember as he said: “Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not”

"There is discrimination in this world and slavery and slaughter and starvation. Governments repress their people; millions are trapped in poverty while the nation grows rich and wealth is lavished on armaments everywhere. These are differing evils, but they are the common works of man. They reflect the imperfection of human justice, the inadequacy of human compassion, our lack of sensibility towards the suffering of our fellows. But we can perhaps remember -- even if only for a time -- that those who live with us are our brothers; that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek -- as we do -- nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely, this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men. And surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again. The answer is to rely on youth -- not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of the will, a quality of imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. The cruelties and obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to the obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. They cannot be moved by those who cling to a present that is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger that come with even the most peaceful progress.

It is a revolutionary world we live in, and this generation at home and around the world has had thrust upon it a greater burden of responsibility than any generation that has ever lived. Some believe there is nothing one man or one woman can do against the enormous array of the world's ills. Yet many of the world's great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation; a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth; a young woman reclaimed the territory of France; and it was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and the 32 year-old Thomas Jefferson who [pro]claimed that "all men are created equal."

These men moved the world, and so can we all. Few will have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation. It is from numberless diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

Few are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality for those who seek to change a world that yields most painfully to change. And I believe that in this generation those with the courage to enter the moral conflict will find themselves with companions in every corner of the globe.

For the fortunate among us, there is the temptation to follow the easy and familiar paths of personal ambition and financial success so grandly spread before those who enjoy the privilege of education. But that is not the road history has marked out for us. Like it or not, we live in times of danger and uncertainty. But they are also more open to the creative energy of men than any other time in history. All of us will ultimately be judged, and as the years pass we will surely judge ourselves on the effort we have contributed to building a new world society and the extent to which our ideals and goals have shaped that event.

The future does not belong to those who are content with today, apathetic toward common problems and their fellow man alike, timid and fearful in the face of new ideas and bold projects. Rather it will belong to those who can blend vision, reason and courage in a personal commitment to the ideals and great enterprises of American Society. Our future may lie beyond our vision, but it is not completely beyond our control. It is the shaping impulse of America that neither fate nor nature nor the irresistible tides of history, but the work of our own hands, matched to reason and principle, that will determine our destiny. There is pride in that, even arrogance, but there is also experience and truth. In any event, it is the only way we can live."

Check out other important American speeches at American Rhetoric .

well, i got some bad news and i got some good news

While I might not be truly American, at least I would pass the citzenship test with a 100%...
Happy May Day!

You Are 53% American

Most times you are proud to be an American. Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home. You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

How American Are You?

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

rivers, bets and a crazy little thing called love

I spent this last mini-break in my former Host Site of Krichim. I had a great time. I celebrated Orthodox Easter, saw some friends and ate a lot of eggs. I also learned some valuable lessons. In no particular order, the following are …
Five Lessons Learned:

1. “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”  Okay, I’ll admit, I didn’t come up with this one. But this weekend, as I visited my host family for probably the fourth time, I realized that each time I come back I expect things to be exactly the same as when I left last July. They’re not. Of course they’re not. Children are a little bit taller, people are a little bit older, friends are a little less familiar, and the town is a little bit different. I am different. But still, I am a little disappointed when I find out how much things have changed. Like my home back in the states, I want everything to be preserved in a state of deep freeze until I make my (triumphant) return. I want things to cease to function without me. I want a place where everything is simple, understood and predictable. But alas, this doesn’t happen.


2. Krichim is still the most beautiful town in Bulgaria. I might be a little biased, but I am amazed every time I come back to Krichim and see the beautiful farms, nature, houses, church, mosque and mountains. We went on a hike yesterday to the top of the mountain above the city and as usual I looked down at the town and thought, “this is it.” I watched some men water their cherry orchard, a young family picking lilacs, and some kids having a picnic and I thought that I was in some kind of heaven that the modern world had missed. Even when it rains it is perfect. My friend Tsvetana and I got caught in an afternoon thunderstorm and took refuge in a kindergarten playground. We watched the rain pour down around us and afterwards we watched the sun break through, letting us know that he was sorry for disturbing our walk and we were free to continue.


3. My home, however, is Bobov Dol. While I think that Krichim is beautiful, and I have a family there, Bobov Dol has become my home. Krichim has become a place to visit. And while this is sad, it is part of the change I talked about. I am happy with my life in Bobov Dol and being a part of the community here. Here I have friends, people who I consider like family, a job, projects, I know shop-owners, and people honk at me. I am happy here and happy when I return after a trip away.


4. My stubbornness wins out over my pride. I learned this this weekend, when what started out as a simple comment evolved into a bet-to-beat-all-bets. I won’t get into the specifics but suffice it to say that I was right, and even though I might have had to sacrifice my self-respect, my fidelity to the truth won out and I think we are all better for it. And I am 5 dollars richer.


5. Love never ceases to surprise me with its complexity. I know this isn’t some groundbreaking idea but still, this fact always seems to come up and bite you when you least expect it. I have been dating girls since I was in 4th grade, and yet I still expect love to be simple. It’s not. Things never work out the way you want and nothing is ever perfect. Just when you think you know what you want, something happens, someone looks at you in a certain way and you fall flat on your face. All you can do is give in, give yourself and hope that someone, somewhere is guiding this big ol’ mess we call love.    

peter gunn vs audrey hepburn

So what do you do when you are stuck in the Athens International Airport for 6 hours, and are unable to leave because you have NO (zero, nada, ziltch) money? You sit. And you read. And you listen to your MP3 player. If you are lucky, like me, you have a large collection of some weird stuff. Official Soundtrack for today: the varied works of Henry Mancini. Every one of his songs fits a different possible mood you may have over 5 hours. Nothing makes the seemingly endless boredom more fun than seeing who, in the bustling mass of people who constantly walk by, is walking in step to the Baby Elephant Walk. Next, wanna feel like an international spy typing important messages into your laptop? Why, click over to the theme from the Pink Panther, or just as good, the theme from Peter Gunn. Suddenly that fat woman who only a song ago made you laugh because she was “the baby elephant” is now Helga Vitripchova, Head Undercover Agent of the Greek Wing of the KGB.

Once you are done saving the world from those nefarious double-agents, the “Sweetheart Tree” comes on and makes you think, once again, about that new girl who since yesterday has never been far from your thoughts. After this beautiful little song ends, “Moon River” comes on and you try to act like you are a tough guy and not listening to the most poignant song ever written.

Finally once you get all in the lovey-dovey, life-is-all-roses-and-wine mood, the second greatest movie theme-music composer, John Williams, comes on and you become Darth Vader!! Love flies right outta your head and your only desire is to rule the Universe!! “Wooooh-hoooh {Darth Vader sounds} What is thy bidding, my Master?”

finding andy in jordan?

I will be gone for the next two weeks. I will be visiting family in Jordan, riding camels, floating in the Dead Sea and pretending I am Indiana Jones in Petra. I will try to post some stuff while I'm there but my cousin tells me she has a slower internet connection than I do in Bobov Dol so we'll see. Have a great couple of weeks; to all you teachers and students, have a great vacation, and see you later!

i'm holding my breath...

     It looks like another terrorist group has decided to try the political route. ETA (Euskadi ta Askatasuna or "Basque Homeland and Freedom”), a Basque terrorist group on the border of Spain and France has recently announced that it will call a cease-fire, as a prerequisite for entering into a political process. I am interested to see how this goes, maybe if these guys can lay down their weapons and enter into the civil arena, there might be hope for Palestine and Israel.

"say hello to my little friend!"

Well, today I woke up with a headache from a na-gosti with my upstairs neighbors and didn't feel like going to school. But I noticed something different this morning: I could see! The sun got up before me! That meant only one thing, spring is here!

Still, my head was throbbing and even this little good news couldn't shake it. But, then what was that that just whizzed by my window? Could it be? Yes, it was! The first swallow of the year! As Krali freaked out, trying to pounce through the window, I threw open the curtains to make sure. Yes, it was, the very first swallow!
Normally, I don't get that excited by seeing a little bird, but this year, I am celebrating Baba Marta and still wearing 14 martenitsi on my wrists. With the arrival of this swallow, I was now allowed to take of these red and white (and stinky) bracelets and pins and hang them on trees. And so I did. All the way to school...

I hope you have a great day, (Especially you Sarah, all this pain will pass...). Here in Bobov Dol it is nice and sunny and I can even believe that winter is over. Welcome spring, good riddence Baba Marta, and hello
life without long-johns!