"baby I think too much"

I've been learning how to dance shopsko horo lately. Horos are traditional forms of Bulgarian dancing. It is kind of like the Greek dancing you may be familiar with where the people line up, hold hands and move in a line, at the end of which they throw plates down on the ground. Horo is like that but without the broken plates. Shopsko horo is a form of horo that is particular to my region of Bulgaria and just happens to be the HARDEST horo in Bulgaria. It's not so difficult because of the steps, they are fairly easy once you get the hang of them. The problem is that it is danced at an insane pace. The music is incredibly fast and your steps have to match the music. Think "River Dance" on crack and you start getting the idea.
I've been interested in learning Shopsko Horo for a long time. I know a bunch of other horos but after watching the beauty and skill of Shopsko horo, I decided I would give it a chance. And since the senior prom is coming up- one of my last chances to dance horo here in town- I thought I would get serious about it. I've been getting lessons from one of my 12th grade students, 2 or 3 times a week. But despite this, I'd been unable to move my feet fast enough.

And then today, like a puzzle, things fell into place. I was hitting the right steps and at a fast pace. The key? Stop thinking and just feel it. I have danced a lot of different kinds of dances. I learned Argentine Tango, Rumba, Waltz, Swing and Foxtrot, and the key to all of them is to just let the music flow over you. Of course at the beginning you have to spend a lot of time understanding the steps: where the left foot goes and then the right. But with dancing, you have to get to a certain point where you stop thinking about the steps and just feel the music. You stop watching your feet, you stop counting the beats, and you stop thinking about the next steps. You listen to the music and let your feet do their thing. You get into a zone where you are only conscious of the beat you are on and your body. You are completely in the moment, in the music and in your body. And you just do it.

Anyone who knows me, knows what a giant klutz I am. I trip on nothing, I clip my shoulders on walls and I always hit my head on everything. I am not coordinated. And the reason is that most of the time I am thinking about stuff. For a lot of my waking day, I am conscious only of the world inside my head. I think about things too much and usually get so wrapped in those thoughts that I have a hard time, at first, learning new skills. But here I was this afternoon, dancing up a storm.

How? I stopped thinking about everything and just started feeling. I've been thinking about this all afternoon (of course), and realized that I am at my best when I am doing this. I teach my best classes when I forget my lesson plan at home and instead feel the class and teach to them instead of teaching to what I think is them. I am best in my relationships with people when I am feeling them and really trying to understand them instead of trying to understand who I think they are. I am best in my faith when I open up my heart instead of doing what I think I should do.

I am thankful for my two years here in Bulgaria. I am thankful for what they have taught me and what I have learned. I am thankful for my new skills, my new friends and my new way of thinking. But I am most thankful that I am beginning to learn how to feel the music.