Today is Thanksgiving. It is my second Thanksgiving away from my family and country. In some ways, these times have a twinge of melancholy. What is Thanksgiving without gathering around the dinner table with your friends and family and gorging yourself on turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce? Here in Bulgaria, we have work today. There is no Macy’s parade. I have no family here. There is no chance of turkey or cranberry. And my mom won’t buy a whole carton of eggnog for only me. As I look out my window, I can see only a gray downpour. I am still stinging from a horrible day at school yesterday, in which I made two girls cry. I am dreading going to school tomorrow and facing that class again. Tonight, I am teaching at the prison.
But I have plenty to be thankful for. And continuing my infatuation with lists, I proudly present the
Top 10 Things Andy is Thankful for This Year: {Drum roll optional}
1. Despite the gray outside right now, this is a wonderful world. Look around. If we look hard enough, we see we are surrounded by love. We are the children of God and as such have inherited a perfectly formed world. Of course it is broken in some serious ways, but underneath all that crap, it is beautiful and runs on love. I am thankful for this.
2. I am heading to Razlog tomorrow to have a proper Thanksgiving with a bunch of other volunteers. While I love my friends here, there is something to be said for gathering with Americans on Thanksgiving. You remember all the great things about home and tend to forget the bad. You share memories and you laugh.
3. I have friends here. Tomorrow I head to Razlog for an American Thanksgiving, but tonite my colleagues and I will gather in my little apartment for a Bulgarian Thanksgiving. In the true tradition of Thanksgiving, tonight’s meal with be a joining of two cultures and their food. There will be pumpkin banitsa, calf meat, tsarska salata, mashed potatoes, onion soup, bread and mashed pumpkin. And of course there will be rakia, which will be washed down with Coca-cola, and bezalkohol. Besides the food - which of course is a big deal - I am happy to have the friendship. I am so lucky that I have such close friends in two countries, across very different cultures. We have helped each other get through some hard times and my life would be so much less without them.
4. I am thankful for the family and friends I have back home. You are my compass as I explore my life here. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t take out that compass and use it to find my way; sometimes out of desperation and sometimes just to double-check that I am on the right path. Thank you for that. I love you all and miss you, and someday I will be with you again.
5. I am healthy. I can walk to school every morning,I can breathe easily, I can manage on my own, I can do anything I want. Though I am putting on some weight around the middle, I can still challenge anyone I meet to a 400 meter dash.
6. Speaking of gaining weight, I have food. I can eat when I want, and I have never known what Hunger really means.
7. I can bounce back from problems. There are so many people in this world who can not get over things. I have only pity and love for them. I hope someday they learn that when things really hurt, there are ways to overcome it. You can talk to trusted friends, you can pray, you can see a therapist, you can try a new route, or you can simply laugh. Sometimes when things hurt the most we must just step back and laugh. To use a quote from one of my favorite books (and least favorite movies) “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”: "While McMurphy laughs. Rocking farther and farther backward against the cabin top, spreading his laugh out across the water- laughing at the girl, at the guys, at George, at me sucking my bleeding thumb, at the captain back at the pier... and the Big Nurse and all of it. Because he knows you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy. He knows there's a painful side; he knows my thumb smarts and his girlfriend has a bruised breast and the doctor is losing his glasses, but he won't let the pain blot out the humor no more'n he'll let the humor blot out the pain." I am thankful that I will even get over the disaster that was yesterday.
8. I am thankful for my new relationship with God. Though some days are hard and I feel like throwing the whole thing away, He is patient with me and blesses me everyday with all these things. I am also thankful for His Catholic Church here on Earth that has made me feel as welcome here as back in my hometown. I am thankful for all the priests I have met who have helped me, especially Father Nolan in Monaghan, Ireland and Father Marcel in Franconia, New Hampshire. My new relationship is very personal, but I couldn’t make a list without including the Big Man and all his helpers.
9. I am thankful for the Internet. Strange I know, but I am thankful for this giant amazing thing that is so full of possibilities. Like any human invention, it is full of both good and bad, but it is still beautiful. I use it daily to keep in touch with those I love, for help with classes, to become a better teacher, and to simply expand my knowledge.
10. I am thankful for my school’s new multimedia room. I am so thankful for all the people with whom I worked to bring this wonderful new educational tool to Bobov dol. It is a big change from last year when I only had chalk and my imagination as classroom materials. Today I taught 3 classes in it, and all classes complained when they had to leave. On one class I had to turn off the lights to get them to leave. That kind of excitement is what makes teaching worth it.
So whoever you are, where ever you are, I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving filled with love, peace, happiness, and lots of things to be thankful for.
23 November 2006
10 November 2006
“i've got to, that's the whole thing.” -will kane
One of my favorite movies of all time is High Noon. I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not, but you should. Even if you don’t like Westerns it is such an important movie to see. Of course there is the underlying anti-democracy in the movie that got the writer black-balled during the 1950s but besides that it is a great example of a person standing up and doing what needs to be done. The main character, Marshall Will Kane, is getting married when the movie opens. He has just retired from being the local sheriff and plans to move far away. As the ceremony ends, he gets news that a dreaded cowboy gang that he previously kicked out of town is coming back to take over the town when he leaves. As much as he tries to rally the town to fight them, everyone has an excuse why he can’t fight. So at the end of the movie, he goes out to face the gang alone, with only his trusty six shooter to help him.
I love this movie because Will Kane “does what a man has to do.” Even though he will probably end up getting killed for it, he does what is the right thing. Alone. And I think that is what draws many people to the movie. I think all too often we believe we are in this alone. It is me versus the marauding gang; me versus the competition; me versus the world. We need movies like High Noon to motivate us and wanna go out there and kick some ass. Alone.
Why? Because it is so unnatural. We are not meant to go out into this world and “do it alone.” Of course, there are times when we need to stand up and do what is right, even if the popular consensus is against us. That is a given. But we must also not shut ourselves off in our drive, quest to do what is right. We are human beings, Homo sapiens. We are naked, clawless, fangless, weak animals. If we had been a non-communal species out on the savannah, we would have been a tiny blip in the history of the world. The first proto-lion would have torn us apart and the world would now be ruled by cockroaches. In addition to our brains, our ability to organize and band together allowed us to move from a second rate hunter on the savannah to the biggest kid on the block, er, world.
I am all too often guilty of this. I never ask for help because I don’t want to trouble anyone. I don’t want to be seen as weak. I ant all the glory for myself. The list goes on… But days like today make me remember we can’t live like this. I had a crappy day at school. I had to give two periods of oral exams to my sixth graders and had to listen to such nonsense as this: “What time is it? (pointing to the clock)” “My cat!” I had to break up a fight as I walked into my seventh grade class between seventh grade girls and tenth grade boys. Then I had to teach the tenth grade and ended up spending most of the class taking away cell-phones that kept going off. By the end, I had seven. At the end of the day I was actually hoping that one of my seventh graders who was climbing over a fence outside the school would fall on his head.
All I wanted to do was to go home and feel bad about my classes and the fact that my water boiler died last night. But a colleague invited me to lunch. I have a hard time refusing food so I went. And I think that lunch saved my sanity. Just talking with her made me feel better. We talked about what it meant to be a teacher, and especially what it meant to be a teacher in Bobov dol. Part of the reason I was feeling down was because I too often think that I am failing. But I was reminded today that the problem is bigger than me. This colleague teaches math and told me that in the twelfth grade class, she has students who can’t multiply 7 and 5. I know this student and can vouch that he seems like a pretty intelligent, with it guy. I felt better because I learned that I was not in this by myself. Here I am surrounded by a group of colleagues who, day in and day out, slog through the same problems I do. Colleagues who, for the most part, try their hardest to make a difference. And I was reminded that the rewards for this work aren’t measured in days. You don’t know what you accomplish at the end of the day. You don’t know at the end of the year. You don’t know even when the child graduates. Our success is measured in lifetimes. And even if we don’t see our rewards in this lifetime, I have faith and hope that someday, somewhere, I will reap these rewards.
Know what makes me love High Noon even more? Will Kane didn’t do it himself. As much as it is advertised as “one man against the world” in the end his wife stands by his side. No one, not even Will Kane, can do this all by themselves. I’m trying to remember this everyday…
I love this movie because Will Kane “does what a man has to do.” Even though he will probably end up getting killed for it, he does what is the right thing. Alone. And I think that is what draws many people to the movie. I think all too often we believe we are in this alone. It is me versus the marauding gang; me versus the competition; me versus the world. We need movies like High Noon to motivate us and wanna go out there and kick some ass. Alone.
Why? Because it is so unnatural. We are not meant to go out into this world and “do it alone.” Of course, there are times when we need to stand up and do what is right, even if the popular consensus is against us. That is a given. But we must also not shut ourselves off in our drive, quest to do what is right. We are human beings, Homo sapiens. We are naked, clawless, fangless, weak animals. If we had been a non-communal species out on the savannah, we would have been a tiny blip in the history of the world. The first proto-lion would have torn us apart and the world would now be ruled by cockroaches. In addition to our brains, our ability to organize and band together allowed us to move from a second rate hunter on the savannah to the biggest kid on the block, er, world.
I am all too often guilty of this. I never ask for help because I don’t want to trouble anyone. I don’t want to be seen as weak. I ant all the glory for myself. The list goes on… But days like today make me remember we can’t live like this. I had a crappy day at school. I had to give two periods of oral exams to my sixth graders and had to listen to such nonsense as this: “What time is it? (pointing to the clock)” “My cat!” I had to break up a fight as I walked into my seventh grade class between seventh grade girls and tenth grade boys. Then I had to teach the tenth grade and ended up spending most of the class taking away cell-phones that kept going off. By the end, I had seven. At the end of the day I was actually hoping that one of my seventh graders who was climbing over a fence outside the school would fall on his head.
All I wanted to do was to go home and feel bad about my classes and the fact that my water boiler died last night. But a colleague invited me to lunch. I have a hard time refusing food so I went. And I think that lunch saved my sanity. Just talking with her made me feel better. We talked about what it meant to be a teacher, and especially what it meant to be a teacher in Bobov dol. Part of the reason I was feeling down was because I too often think that I am failing. But I was reminded today that the problem is bigger than me. This colleague teaches math and told me that in the twelfth grade class, she has students who can’t multiply 7 and 5. I know this student and can vouch that he seems like a pretty intelligent, with it guy. I felt better because I learned that I was not in this by myself. Here I am surrounded by a group of colleagues who, day in and day out, slog through the same problems I do. Colleagues who, for the most part, try their hardest to make a difference. And I was reminded that the rewards for this work aren’t measured in days. You don’t know what you accomplish at the end of the day. You don’t know at the end of the year. You don’t know even when the child graduates. Our success is measured in lifetimes. And even if we don’t see our rewards in this lifetime, I have faith and hope that someday, somewhere, I will reap these rewards.
Know what makes me love High Noon even more? Will Kane didn’t do it himself. As much as it is advertised as “one man against the world” in the end his wife stands by his side. No one, not even Will Kane, can do this all by themselves. I’m trying to remember this everyday…
09 November 2006
goodbye, sweet innocence of childhood
I grew up in New Hampshire believing three things were eternal:
1. The Red Sox will never win the World Series.
2. The Old Man of the Mountain will always be around.
3. New Hampshire is a Republican state.
Well, over the last few years the first two myths were shattered. The first one for the good, the second for bad. But somehow I still believed in the third. I believed in it so strongly that I almost didn't vote. I believed the US House race was definitely going to the Republican candidate and there was no way the Democrats would win either the NH senate or the NH house. But with a pathetic optimism I picked up in my 24 years of cheering on the Red Sox, I filled in the bubbles on my ballot and mailed it in, hoping beyond hope that "this was the year!"
Well wasn't I surprised when I read this article this afternoon:
Democratic Sweep Puts Lynch In Driver's Seat
Legislature Shifts To Democratic Control
CONCORD, N.H. -- The political landscape in New Hampshire shifted dramatically on Election Day, and observers said Gov. John Lynch may now have clear sailing to pass his entire agenda.
For the first time in history, New Hampshire Democrats will be in charge of the governor's office, Executive Council, state House and Senate. Democrats last held the governor's office, House and Senate in 1874.
Lynch was re-elected with a record 74 percent of the vote.
So let me just repeat this for those who don't quite understand.
November 6th
Democrats: Governor
Republicans: US Representatives; US Senators; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
November 9th
Democrats: Governor; US Representatives; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
Republicans: US Senators (they weren't up for election this cycle)
The Curse is Dead!
PS. (Special for my fellow New Hampshirites) Good luck Sylvia Larsen! I hope you get the President of the Senate position!
1. The Red Sox will never win the World Series.
2. The Old Man of the Mountain will always be around.
3. New Hampshire is a Republican state.
Well, over the last few years the first two myths were shattered. The first one for the good, the second for bad. But somehow I still believed in the third. I believed in it so strongly that I almost didn't vote. I believed the US House race was definitely going to the Republican candidate and there was no way the Democrats would win either the NH senate or the NH house. But with a pathetic optimism I picked up in my 24 years of cheering on the Red Sox, I filled in the bubbles on my ballot and mailed it in, hoping beyond hope that "this was the year!"
Well wasn't I surprised when I read this article this afternoon:
Democratic Sweep Puts Lynch In Driver's Seat
Legislature Shifts To Democratic Control
CONCORD, N.H. -- The political landscape in New Hampshire shifted dramatically on Election Day, and observers said Gov. John Lynch may now have clear sailing to pass his entire agenda.
For the first time in history, New Hampshire Democrats will be in charge of the governor's office, Executive Council, state House and Senate. Democrats last held the governor's office, House and Senate in 1874.
Lynch was re-elected with a record 74 percent of the vote.
So let me just repeat this for those who don't quite understand.
November 6th
Democrats: Governor
Republicans: US Representatives; US Senators; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
November 9th
Democrats: Governor; US Representatives; NH House of Representatives; NH Senate; Executive Council
Republicans: US Senators (they weren't up for election this cycle)
The Curse is Dead!
PS. (Special for my fellow New Hampshirites) Good luck Sylvia Larsen! I hope you get the President of the Senate position!
07 November 2006
he's a canning beast
Two Saturdays ago, I canned hot peppers with one of my colleagues. First we cooked the peppers on the stove. Literally!
Then we added salt, vinegar, sugar, parsley, garlic and crammed them into the jars. We were a little disappointed to learn that 3 kilograms of peppers only makes about 6 jars...
After putting the ingredients into the jars, we boiled them.
After boiling, we put the jars upside down to cool. Yes that is me with the Satan eye.
And then we ate. The results? Sinus-clearing delicious! That's right, I got my canned peppers and peaches, my dried parsley, thyme and mint, bring it on, Winter!
Then we added salt, vinegar, sugar, parsley, garlic and crammed them into the jars. We were a little disappointed to learn that 3 kilograms of peppers only makes about 6 jars...
After putting the ingredients into the jars, we boiled them.
After boiling, we put the jars upside down to cool. Yes that is me with the Satan eye.
And then we ate. The results? Sinus-clearing delicious! That's right, I got my canned peppers and peaches, my dried parsley, thyme and mint, bring it on, Winter!
06 November 2006
monday, blah, blah, blah... VOTE!
I hate Mondays. What happened this Monday? I flipped out in my 7th grade class and had them spend the last 15 minutes of the class copying new vocabulary over and over again. In this class there are 23 students, all in the throes of puberty and unable to maintain a thought process for longer than 30 seconds. I warned them but they just wouldn't listen. Not that I think "duvet" and "face flannel" are especially important words to know in English but it's the principle... Tenth grade class wouldn't listen because they were too busy trying to keep from shivering. I was a little easier on them... 12th grade was good. We learned how to use monolingual dictionaries. We also learned how different words are related. My personal favorite was making the sentence, "the captors captured the captive."... My 11th graders began the class by running around the classroom hitting each other. They are all girls.
I feel very bitter today. Anyone who wants to cheer me up, give it a try. I really need to shake this day off.
In other news, VOTE! Even if you don't agree with my politics, go out and vote. I have a new appreciation for democracy and urge everyone to exercise their freedom. My 10th grade students skipped school on Friday and one student's reason: It's a free country now, I can do what I want. Democracy isn't easy. Democracy, like faith, is something you must work for. It may be a pain to fit voting into your busy schedule, but it is important. If you don't vote, you are saying that you don't care about democracy, you don't care about the sacrifices generations have made before you and you are too weak to decide your future. Go out and just do it!
I feel very bitter today. Anyone who wants to cheer me up, give it a try. I really need to shake this day off.
In other news, VOTE! Even if you don't agree with my politics, go out and vote. I have a new appreciation for democracy and urge everyone to exercise their freedom. My 10th grade students skipped school on Friday and one student's reason: It's a free country now, I can do what I want. Democracy isn't easy. Democracy, like faith, is something you must work for. It may be a pain to fit voting into your busy schedule, but it is important. If you don't vote, you are saying that you don't care about democracy, you don't care about the sacrifices generations have made before you and you are too weak to decide your future. Go out and just do it!
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