I was having a conversation with my friend Jessica today, and we started talking about the Olympics. And as we all know, you can not talk about the intense, unparalleled exhibit of athleticism, courage and training that is the modern Olympics without bringing up Curling. This got us to thinking, what other over-hyped, non-sports are there out there? Lawn Darts. I had to explain them to Jessica, but she caught on quickly. Then I got thinking, what the Hell ever happened to Lawn Darts? I vaguely remember deaths were involved. So Jessica and her amazing computer hacking skills found the info. Apparently they were banned in the US. Too many people getting skull fractures I guess. That, however, also got me thinking, where are our Lawn Darts? Mom, didn’t we have a set? What happened to them?
In a totally unrelated note, if someone has a set of Lawn Darts, Jessica and I would like to talk to you. We are planning a Decathlon of Non-sports for some time in 2007. We are now taking donations. If you have any equipment for Lawn Darts, bowling, horseshoes, ping-pong, badminton, Dwarf Throwing (including, but not limited to a dwarf), croquet, capture the flag, bocce and pool let us know.
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11 comments:
Man, our Decathlon of Non-Sports is going to be awesome. I think we should each pick a non-country to represent (like the "Orange Free State") and we should wear some kind of ridiculous non-uniform.
This is going to be so much fun.
Also, I am going to kick your ass! (Yes, the trash talking has started already.)
Although for lawn darts, may I suggest we wear helmets and body armor?
P.S. Also I think you mean "Croquet," "An outdoor game in which the players drive wooden balls through a series of wickets using long-handled mallets," and not "Croquette," "A small cake of minced food, such as poultry, vegetables, or fish, that is usually coated with bread crumbs and fried in deep fat."
Unless you want to add an eating contest to the non-sport decathalon.
first, yes I did mean the game and not the... food? i have made the appropriate changes...
second, I call dibs on "the Indian Stream Republic!" http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/new_hampshire/46113
third, Jessica and I were talking about Kick the Can. I think it's a good idea, it could replace dwarf tossing. it would be much easy and more humane than dwarf tossing. but if you want in, Meg, you gotta choose a non-country too and find a non-uniform.
fourth, have you ever seen me play croquet, Jessica? you are in for a world of pain.
i so have a boccee ball set AND horseshoes, lurking somewhere in the depths of my parents attic. However...
you can only use them if i can play too.
Also, i should warn you all of my frighteningly awesome pingpong skilllllz, which have probably deteriorated since moving to Bulgaria. BUT can assuredly be ressurected.
You may want to consider coming up with some alternate "nonsports", incase of an emergency, (i.e., you can't find an agreeable dwarf) may i suggest 4 Square, which is the greatest Nonsport on the planet.
And you all should probably work on writing national anthems for these non-countries, or you can adopt your favorite song as a stand-in, if the creative juices aren't flowin'. If you are going to do to this in true Olympic fashion, you have to have something to play in the background when you are awarded those gold medals.
and now, in an unrelated note.... Happy Birthday, Andy!!
-Sarah
nutsalarious!
Oh my gosh. My non-country's theme song is going to be something deliciously cheezy, like Dan Hill's "Sometimes when we touch" or OH OH OH I have got it...The Muppet's "Manah Manah" song. And I will insist upon singing along as I receive my medals for EVERY EVENT because you are ALL GOING DOWN.
Manah Manah, do dooo do do do...
In other news, I think I may need to stop eating so much sugar.
Also, my non-country will be called "Manah," so as to make its anthem sensical.
Since I will be representing the (non-) country of the Indian Stream Republic, my anthem will be "Dualing Banjos." There are no words, but I will be busting out a nasty air guitar. Er, banjo. Which all of you will get sick of after a while because *I* will be whipping so much ass. But you will be secretly jealous.
On a different note, sweet ass hat Jessica!
Thanks, it is my hip new hat that I got in L.A. for a whopping $5. It's so hip I almost can't stand it. Maybe it can be part of my non-uniform for the decathalon...provided I don't lose it first. The hat, I mean, not the decathalon. I'll be winning the decathalon. MANAH MANAH. Take that!
ok.. My (non)country is called the
Empire of Fantastic Ninja-istic Awesome Russian Debutantes,
or EFNARD!!!!!! (must be said enthusiastically with the stress at the end) for short, since thats kind of a mouthful. or simply THE Empire will suffice.
AND
I just appointed myself Dictator for life of said Empire. It was a lovely ceremony, too bad you missed it. There was confetti and strawberry Tang and some inspired speeches from my minions.
hmm, theme song...lets see. hmmmm. something I can break it down to when I win. got it!
That song, Walkie Talkie Man, by Steriogram, it was in an I-pod commercial, back in the day. and is really fun and this lil Dictator is all about the fun. THAT and kickin' ass ninja style. muhahhaha.
air banjo??? puh-leeeze, spare us. its such a good thing, *I *plan on winning, so as NEVER to be subjected to you and your air banjo.
p.s.
jess, i also must compliment your rad sunglasses. i am so decidedly un-hip.
and i dont think there is such a thing as too much sugar///
byeeee!
-Sarah
wait, i think we need mottos too and flags. this creating a country deal is not easy.
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