andy gets misty eyed

Tonite is my last night in Bobov dol and my last nite as an active Peace Corps volunteer. I'm struggling with what that all means. Of course, I am not leaving Bulgaria; unlike all but three volunteers in my group, I will be staying for an extra year in Bulgaria and work in the American University as an English teacher. So while I will not technically be in Bobov dol, I will be only about a 40 minute car ride away. And while I will not be an officially active volunteer, I will continue living in the same country and continue teaching English. Things change but end staying the same...

As a way to say thank you to all the people here in Bobov dol, I hosted a banquet tonite at my favorite local bar. There were about 14 of my closest and most important friends here. There were people who took me to their village and taught me how to can peaches. There was the woman who gave me Bulgarian lessons, twice a week, for two years. There was her son who was in my seventh grade class, who despite all the other crap in his life, still has a grasp on English that is unnatural for this place. But more important than that, has a flame in him that refuses to be extinguished. There was the woman at whose apartment I was always welcome and with whom I ended up eating many dinners when all I wanted was a coffee. There was the counterpart who selflessly took over the position when my old counterpart left for the big city. She was like the big sister I never had who was there no matter what and was not afraid to tell me when I messed up. And the list goes on.

In between the eating, dancing and laughing, I started to grasp, albeit only in the most general of concepts, what actually happened here in these two years. I think it will take the rest of my life to actually figure that out exactly, but I did start to get an inkling. Here I was, surrounded by so many people who I can count on no matter what. People who I would trust with my life, though I have known them for two years, and many with whom I have only spoken to in a language that I have only been speaking for two years. I came to this town knowing no one and yet am leaving, feeling like the king of the town.

I knew I wanted to be a Peace Corps volunteer when I was about 6 and used to wake up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. In those days, they used to have very simple commercials for Peace Corps, so simple in fact that I only remember the punchline: "Peace Corps: The toughest job you'll ever love." It sounded so perfect for a kid growing up on adventure shows and GI Joe. I liked to believe that I was tough, and the toughest? Well sign me up!

I have learned what tough means in these two years. But that was something that I was expecting. I knew it would be hard and that I would be tested. I know that I would be going into a possibly hostile environment, away from everything and everyone I had previously known and be expected to succeed. I knew that and it definitely lived up to those expectations. But in these two years, I learned something else. I learned that the second part of that slogan was the more important part. I learned what it means to love. To love a job, to love a place and to love people. Sure my job was infuriating at times, so much so I would have done anything to not go in some days. Sure Bobov dol made me angry sometimes, and made me question my hope in the future. And sure people here made me mad and made me question my hope in people. But through it all, I learned to love them all despite all these things. All these bad things don't make you love less, they make you love something more. Because it is easy to love something that provides no resistance, something that is welcoming of your love. It is so much harder to love something that acts like it doesn't need or want you, something that sometimes acts like it hates you. If you can persevere and love it despite this, your love will become so strong and will grow. I thought when I became a volunteer that this job would be tough because I would love it and put my whole heart into it, but I never expected I would love it because it was so tough.

Thank you Bobov dol for teaching me love. And thank you for being so tough.