Today I am frustrated. I really want to do well here. Before I came here to Bulgaria, I imagined that I would show up, start teaching and everyone would love me. I thought from my first class I would get up in front of the class and the kids would be eager to learn. I thought I would know exactly what to do and my lessons would be fun and exciting and kids would be fighting each other to get into my classes. I have slowly realized this is not quite the case.
I am beginning to doubt many things. I always thought that every kid deep down inside really wants to learn. Maybe this is because I was a nerd as a kid. I had boring classes of course. Especially math. God, I hated math. But I always tried. I always did my homework and asked questions and even though I hated every moment of it, I tried. I tried because I wanted to get good grades, I wanted to have a bright future, and I wanted to be proud of myself. Being here though, I am beginning to doubt that. Maybe there are just some kids who don’t want to learn. Geez, I really hate saying that, but maybe it’s true. Maybe kids in my class aren’t interested in what I am saying. They don’t care about grades, or their future or taking pride in their accomplishments.
I can’t help feeling like this is just a huge cop-out. “Man, these kids aren’t paying attention in class, they talk amongst themselves, they call me ‘Mrs.’, they refuse to write down anything I write on the blackboard. I give up, it’s their fault, not mine.” I hate the sound of that. I absolutely hate to think that 13, 14, 15 year olds have given up. But everyday I think like that more and more. When I arrived here, some colleagues told me not to get frustrated, these kids aren’t interested in learning, it is “a school for the masses.” Another colleague told me to teach only to those who pay attention, forget the others. I remember hearing that, cringing, and thinking, “it’s only because no one is paying attention to those kids!”
Now I go into class with a lesson plan that took me an hour to prepare, with pictures, matchbox cars, games and photocopies of worksheets (that I paid 10 stotinki each for!) and I can’t get the kids to pay attention. They would rather talk amongst themselves, try to get me to tell them how old I am, or how many girlfriends I have. Then if I get them quiet (with a big IF…) some student from another class opens the door and runs, or worse comes into the class, inviting me to a party with Shakira. At the beginning I thought it was because the material was way over the kids heads. The first lesson out of the book was about using the Present Perfect Tense with “from” and “for,” while the kids couldn’t even introduce themselves. So I throw out the book and started from the very beginning. But the kids still refuse to participate.
My mom, also a teacher, told me to find out what interests these kids, but how we talk about discos, Bulgarian pop folk, and football, if they refuse to learn the present simple forms of “To be”? If anyone has any ideas I am listening…
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5 comments:
I am so sorry to hear that you are having such trouble. I taught high school for two years, and have been debating going back into the school system. After reading your post, I cringed, beacuse I know EXACTLY what you've been dealing with.
In answer to your question- no, not all kids want to learn. You can find what interests them, but that isn't going to make them interested in grammar. I do NOT want to rain on your parade, because what you are doing in WONDERFUL. I am truly sick of movies like "Dangerous Minds" where all it takes is a caring teacher to turn bad kids around. Almost all teachers are caring, and if you aren't reaching these kids, it isn't because you aren't doing enough, or don't care enough. I do have some suggestions that might help-
1. Are these kids in classes based on their ability? 75% of my discipline problems disappeared once my students were grouped according to reading level. (However, that is probably entirely beyond your control, and requires testing and major administrative support.)
2. Don't try to be their friend. They will respect you more if you are a hardass than if they like you because they think you are "cool". They may not like you, but if they are learning something, that's more important.
3. Classroom management is the number one most important thing. Have classroom procedures in place, and make them practice them until they get it 100 per cent right. If your classroom procedure is to come in, sit quietly and do their "Bell Work", make them practice it. Again and again and again. Until it is perfect. Trust me, it is HELL to spend 30 minutes practicing coming into a room silently. AAGH! I ran out of room.... myjuniperjane@gmail.com good luck!
hey kiddo...so fun that you have a b-l-o-g (spelling it is so not the same as saying it). by the way, whats the difference btwn the "b' word and an online journal? cause i've got one of those. anyways, regarding your post, i had a similar day here in T-town with my 8th graders. I was trying to get them to talk about their families. We had gone over all the vocab before, and i even wrote sentences on the board about my own siblings to give them a model. and yet, they talked, threw things at each other, beat each other up, yelled.... Moreover, i would say that most of them hadn't even bothered to bring books/notebooks/pens. It really is hard for me that these kids, these young kids, dont seem to care about their future. are things really that hopeless that they think they have no shot at a better life? i dont really have any advice, but just keep at it, ya know, maybe you are getting through to one person, and though thats not saving the world, that's somethin'... cheers yo. *Stiles*
ps. its like we want so much to have instant gratification, to see results from our work, and the fact that though lots of effort is put forth, there seems to be nothing to show from it. i would suggest (and perhaps i hope in vain) that maybe results are taking place, beneather the surface and it will take a lot of friggin' time to see them. don't give up.
Thanks for the cpmment Meaghan. Yes, the classes are seperated by ability, sorta. Normally in the Bulgarian school system that doesn't happen, but I able to conince them to do it for a couple months so I could catch the kids up. I try to be a hard ass but these kids have had so little experience with teachers who put their foot down they really don't know what to make of it. So I try and then just roll their eyes and say "споко Господине..." Something similar to, "relax, Mr." I hate that. And as for having them practice behaving well. I'll give it a try. Unfortunately I feel like they have no motivation to do that. They are not concerned with grades, my disappointment or anything. They think I am simply their babysitter...
Stiles, the difference between a b-l-o-g and an online journal is that online journals are not nearly as cool. The difference between a dispatch and a b-l-o-g is... er, there's not one. Sorry Andy.
I think Sarah was right on in her PS.
I can only add that perhaps, what your students, bless their hearts, need is not the English language. Now yes, English is why dubya, rather our government sent you to Bobov Dol, Bulgaria, but perhaps that's not why you have been sent there. Maybe there is something else only Andy can offer these kids. Look for that. No one ever said Peace Corps was only about teaching. I guess it really is the toughest job you'll ever love...
Hey Andy just remember that we are all going through this right now. There are days when I want to throw acouple kids out a window. Then when I tell my counterpart about kids throwing things or talking to much she tells me its my fault because I am to hard to understand. Unfortunately the Bulgarian school system seems to be set up against the teachers. But just remember that you are making a difference to some students and that is what is important. Great blog by the way.
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