goin guesting!

I have yet to understand the exact etiquette for visiting friends or hosting guests here in Bulgaria. I have mentioned it before but as a Anthropology student, I am very interested in common day culture like this. This part of life in Bulgaria is very important. In Bulgarian, people “ходи на гости” which means they “go guesting.” When you visit someone you are always offered something to eat and drink. The drinks can vary from coffee and tea to beer and homemade “ракия (brandy).” The food can also range from anything from a few sweets to a whole dinner that doesn’t end until you raise your hand and say “стига, преядох! (Stop, I ate too much!).” I am never quite sure what I will get when I visit someone. Most of the time the visit lasts 3 or 4 hours and by the time I leave can barely walk from the food and brandy. Other times I am counting on the food and after 4 hours go back to my empty apartment and cook chicken nuggets.
I think that the level of food and drink you get is based on how far in advance things are planned. If someone asks you to come over to see them on Sunday and it is Thursday, you had better not eat anything all Sunday because you are gonna get stuffed. But if someone calls you and asks you to come over now, you should grab a bite of something first because most likely you are just gonna get some coffee. Under all occasions, when you visit someone, you should bring something. This can be almost anything from a few sweets from the local store, to some coke, to a homemade apple cobbler that takes you all day to bake.
Hosting guests is the trickiest thing. Being a single, young man here I feel a little weird inviting people to my apartment. I am not a very good cook. These people who I go visit cook phenomenal meals. I am not kidding. Everything is made with fresh vegetables, meats, and cheeses loaded up with plenty of oil and spices. I am afraid that they will come over and I will cook a tuna noodle casserole and they will think, “damn, I’m not having this chump over again. He couldn’t cook his way out of a wet paper bag!” I also do not have a TV. This is another big part of hosting people. Putting on the TV and sitting down and eating and drinking. Most often the TV is turned on either to Bulgarian pop folk or soccer. Also, there is a tendency not to show up. I’ll invite people over for something and then they just won’t show up. I never know what to in this situation. Should I call them? Next time I see them what do I say?
I also have a tendency to either overreact or under react when people come over. I don’t know whether to lay out a big spread with dinner, drinks and dessert or whether to just put out some coffee and biscuits. Take today for example. Two teachers from school texted me on my cell phone and told me they were coming over because I was sick from work. I cut up a couple apples, salami, cheese, put out bread and nutella, and got ready to make some coffee and tea. I put out plates, and forks and was ready. They showed up with some sweets and I thought everything was going according to plan. But they barely ate anything! I ate almost everything! I guess this was one of those “just coffee and biscuits” time. This is such a huge part of Bulgarian life that I feel like an idiot if I get it wrong. I think they were happy though. And for the most part, people know I’m an American and have no idea what I’m doing…
On a personal note, though I was sure I did have it, I did not have Bird Flu. I am a little disappointed by this. I am a glutton for sympathy and attention and I can think of no better way to get the level of attention I desire then to be the first person to contract bird flu in Bulgaria. But alas, I am okay and I will go on.