lies about kathy lee gifford and other stuff

     You ever say something which you don’t know exactly why you are saying it but you realize after you say it what a stupid thing it was to say? I mean like when you see a girl you know somewhere and before you know what is happening you blurt out something like “Wow you look so nice today, like Kathy Lee Gifford before she got all scary looking.” And sometime between the incredibly shocked gasp that escapes her mouth and the defensive “what?” that you shoot out as a desperate screen, you hear in your head “dude, why’d you say that?”     
      Of course, if you are like me you don’t have the sense to immediately fall to your knees and beg forgiveness for the stupid thing you said. Rather, once the limp “what?” fails to soothe the anger and insult, you – or more specifically – I instead try to justify the comment with the first thing that pops into my head: “I mean you look really nice.” Then the attempted logic is challenged: “If you thought I looked nice why didn’t you say that? Why’d you add all that Kathy Lee Gifford crap?” Me: “Because she is really… good looking? Yeah she is hot!” But even the fake enthusiasm can’t hide that lie. And before I know it, I am telling this girl that I have always liked Kathy Lee Gifford and have had fantasies about her since I first realized the difference between girls and boys. Of course they are all lies. Hopefully, in this case. The reason I throw out all these lies is because I desperately don’t want to hurt this girl. She probably does look like Kathy Lee Gifford before she got all scary looking. But instead I lie and end up sounding like an idiot. And now the girl knows that not only am I a liar but I have a skewed sexual attraction to a woman who puts the “ee” in “Scareey.”
     I was recently and painfully made aware of this personal flaw of mine (the saying-things-and-then-lying-to-cover-it-up part not the Kathy-Lee-Gifford-fantasy part) because I said something very stupid and hurtful to a friend of mine. This girl and I have been close friends for some time now and we were moving towards a romantic relationship when for some reason or another I decided that this wasn’t the route I wanted this relationship to take. Instead of telling her that, I told her that I had asked this other girl if she had romantic feelings for me and was relieved that she had said no because “now I  was free to go after the (the first girl).” That was stupid. And hurtful. At the time I didn’t know why I was telling her that. I thought she would be happy that I was happy and relieved. Of course, subconsciously, I was saying this to avoid a big confrontation. That was stupid too. But the worst part was that I proceeded to try to cover up my original intent with lies. Instead of coming out and telling the truth I spun a web of so many lies that I can’t even remember what I said. I think some of it had to do with, yeah nevermind I can’t even remember it.
     The moral of the story is don’t say stupid things. But if you do, like we all do, don’t lie about it. Even if you are talking to a nitwit, the lies will trip you up eventually and the pain will be 100 times worse, for you and the person you hurt.
     The story doesn’t have a happy ending. The girl is now talking to me, which is good. But I know I have a long way to go to get her trust back. If I ever can.