crime wave hits bobov dol

I don’t know why I did it. Normally, I shy away from buying frivolous things but when I saw that package of sliced salami in the store, I was intrigued. See, normally I only find non-sliced salami in any store here. It comes in a long stick and if you want to make a sandwich you must cut off a couple of disks. I don’t like doing this because my knife sucks, the salami is really hard and it takes time. Maybe I was lazy and wanted something a little easier. Maybe I was missing home and that package of sliced pig products reminded me of Mom’s sandwiches. Maybe I wanted something a little different. I don’t know but after a week of staring at that lonely package in the display case, I broke down and paid the few extra stotinki for the package of sliced salami.

I know it was frivolous. I mean, how lazy am I that I can’t even cut my own meat? But does that mean that it had to be taken away from me in such a dastardly way? Let me explain. It started with my refrigerator. Once upon a time, my refrigerator used to be a normal refrigerator. Put something in there and it kept it cool. Since winter began, my refrigerator has become a deep freeze machine. Beer, cheese, mayonnaise, no matter what, it goes in liquid, pliable or gelatinous, magically comes out a solid rock. So I have taken to putting things out on my terrace, where believe it or not, the Bulgarian winter is warmer than my refrigerator. And so when I bought my prized sliced salami, of course, out to the terrace it went.

I had one sandwich with it and I’m not gonna lie, it was good. But alas, one sandwich was all I was gonna have of those little slices of Heaven, because sometime between yesterday afternoon and this afternoon my upstairs neighbors staged a daring ninja-attack and stole my salami. Here is the crime scene:
Employing at least four different hooks (three that failed and presumably one that didn’t), my upstairs neighbors lowered down a string and hooked the bag that held my salami treasure and a new package of cheese. Luckily, the cheese fell out of the bag and I was able to save it. But, unfortunately, my salami didn’t, and is now suffering a much more grisly fate. Like Golam and his magic ring, I wanted to have something special for myself. I got too attached to my salami and the world showed me what happens when you love something too much: It gets taken away. I learned my lesson. I will not allow myself to get so attached to a stupid object. Still, I hope those bastards upstairs choke on it.